How can you Mend a Lonely Heart?

When I was younger and I finished a project, I don’t ever remember feeling anxious for the next one.  Now that the I-129F form has been in review for a month now I have this ridiculous anxiety that keeps telling me to do more.  With Liam’s visit right around the corner (aka TOMORROW!!!). This is a very exciting visit because not only will we be getting our engagement pictures done and celebrating 7 months of bliss, we will be together for two whole weeks. This is the longest visit we have been blessed to have. It’s very exciting because we have a ton to do with the wedding and researching venues and other accessories.

                The down fall to this visit is what comes after. Liam is, hopefully, starting a new job soon and will not be able to visit after September. My company starts our open enrollment and it's literally exhausting because it's so busy that we can't take time off till February.  After this trip I won’t see Liam again till February 7^th 2013. With the foreknowledge of my impending doom, I have started trying to be more proactive and find things to keep myself busy. I have vowed to use this time apart to better myself and keep a more positive attitude about our situation and just life in general. This is one of those things that people refer to being “easier said than done”.  It’s no secret to anyone who is friends with me on Facebook knows that I get a bit depressed (this is possibly an understatement) when Liam is not around. Others who are experiencing the same long distance relationship knows it gets hard when all you can do is harp on the fact that you are not together.  

                Once Liam and I are a part, I go through what I call The Lonely Process. For the first couple of days after Liam leaves, I cry. I refuse to see people and keep mainly to the confides of my room. As weeks go by I get better and end up just secluding myself.  My diet consists of any kind of junk food I can get my hands on, shoveling it in my face and wallow. A month after Liam leaves I begin to be proactive and start working out and doing everything I can to make sure our visa process goes by faster. Plans with friends and family start to creep their way into my schedule. I begin working on a new project which includes me frequently changing my room furniture around.  Around a month or two before I know I’m going to see Liam again I begin what Facebook knows as "The Countdown". My work friends would refer to it as the paper chain link I have on my cubical wall that tells me how many days are left. This usually starts around 40 days before I see Liam. Then, just a week before I see Liam, I go crazy, getting everything ready and  being happier than I have been in the past however months. Listing my reaction out I can see how this seems ridiculous and pathetic. This is only just 3 month separation, imagine the magnitude I am about to face with 7 months. 

             As much as I am dreading this, I am determined to keep a more positive attitude and use my time wisely. This is going to be the last holiday that I am in America for. Next Christmas, Liam and I will be married and living in England! Today is a perfect day to take charge and change things. I have decided to start taking my writing seriously and have enrolled myself in some writing classes. My life has been too filled of drama to ignore. I have tons of ideas and it's time I used my talent to make a name for myself. Everyone tells me how important it is for me to find myself in this time and I really think that they are right. Soon I won't be an individual anymore and I will have someone else to consider. I will not have the opportunity to be on my own and figure out what makes Amanda, Amanda. After college I lost my passion and I need to gain that back. Somewhere between the drama of 2011 and getting my life in order I lost the discipline that college had instilled in me. I am also going to re-apply to The University of London: University of Education. I want to pursue my English degree and actually start a career that has something to do with my major. I shovel out hundreds of dollars to pay back the government for a diploma that looks pretty on my shelf. I need to start thinking about putting that to good use. I need to do this for myself, I can't spend everyday crying that I am not with Liam, unfortunately it won't change anything. This time is time for me to get all my ducks in a row to be able to move to England eventually and to be Amanda while I still can. In order to make a happy relationship, I first have to make myself happy. 

          To all my readers (I'm not sure how many of you actually read this), take advice from someone who knows, harping on the distance will not make it disappear. Those three thousand miles will be there wither you're crying and stuffing your face of cookie dough or not. Laying around depressed listening to My Chemical Romance will not bring him/her any closer to you. As Liam tells me, it just makes the other person frustrated and upset because they can't do anything. Take a lesson from me, the worst offender of this and "pledge" to change. Make yourself happy so that in turn you can make your partner happy. Seeing you loving life will make them just as cheerful. 

      So ladies and gentlmen, seeing that Liam is going to be here in 1 MORE DAY, I should probably pretend like I'm actually going to sleep (when in reality we all know I'm going to lay in my bed squealing that Liam will be here in 48 hours!!!!!)



Just so I know people are actually reading this (maybe...probably... hopefully...) let me know if you have any questions or issues you'd like me to write on. I'm a pretty open person and I'd love to hear the things that your struggling with so that I can be helpful and encouraging! Just leave me a comment on this post and I'll be happy to write something up on your topic.

Thank you all for reading! Keep your chin up and hang in there! :)